Child Abuse And Domestic Violence
If you feel that you are out of control
please seek help now before it's too late!
These are just a few of the forms of abuse that are all damaging to the Child's mental, emotional and physical health!
1. Physical abuse is by far the most dangerous type since a blow to the head or the vital organs could be fatal.
2. Sexual abuse has nothing to do with the sex act, but for the control that the perpetrator has over the child.
3. Mental abuse can consist of many different forms including, verbal abuse by attacking the child with harsh negative words, threats of abandonment, or accusations of worthlessness in the child. These are only a few examples that will inevitably cause poor self-esteem and render the child helpless even in adulthood.
4. Emotional abuse can most always be detected in a child who exhibits symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Emotional abuse plays on the child's stress level as the adult in question may play demented games to frighten the child, yelling or exhibiting irate behavior in front of the child either voluntary or not (meaning that the adult may not be able to control his/her behavior).
5. Spiritual abuse can be very damaging to the self-esteem as well. When we are subjected to any type of negative stimuli, our spirit (our livelihood, our humanness, our ability to trust and love ourselves and others and to nurture our own needs) becomes tarnished and our sense of self worth is striped away.
Any one of the above or a combination of two or more is abusive behavior. And any one of the abuses could and probably will cause stress, anxiety, PTSD, panic disorders, dissociation, and depression "at the least”.
And the child’s physical health will be affected as well with such ailments as severe headaches, stomach pains, back and neck pains, heart problems, vomiting, passing out, eating disorders and the list could just go on and on.
I was so severely abused by my mother that even as an infant I began to dissociate and the abuse continued for years. My mother had some form of mental illness I'm sure (severe clinical depression at least and we think maybe even MPD/DID but she never sought professional treatment so we will never know exactly what she suffered with.)
She would spend our days (while everybody was gone to work and school) tormenting me with outbursts of insanity. She would sneak up on me to scare me and then laugh when I jumped. And she could not stand for me to make any noise what so ever. I would be put in the closet for singing or laughing but most of the time I did not have to do anything to set her off.
I learned very early on that if I stayed quiet and played "on the inside" that I could be virtually invisible to her. But even so, she would have her bouts of rage and insanity and I'm not just talking about sometimes, these were daily activities for her. But I cannot go into the physical abuse that I suffered (here) because it is just way too graphic.
As a result of the torture that I sustained by her, my body was in pain because of all of the stress that I lived with. I had severe migraine headaches on a daily basis and I vomited at least once a day, and sometimes more because I was under so much stress. My hair began to fall out when I was in my thirties but it was always in very poor shape until just here in the past few years and now at the age of 49 I finally have healthy, manageable hair that does not fall out in clumps anymore.
I also suffer with severe TMJ from clinching my jaws all my life; the dentist said mine is the worst he's ever seen. Along with all of the above I've just been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease, arthritis and three bulging discs, all in my cervical vertebra (my neck). Before I started treatment I would suffer with chest pains that were so intense that I ended up in the ER on several occasions. I now know that the pains were caused by the stress that I had in my life and this was even as an adult, many years after I left home and was out of the abusive environment.
These are only a few examples of how my body has suffered from the mental and emotional abuse, and there are other survivors out there whom I know have suffered much more than I did. I would like to take this time to commend those brave individuals who have shared much more of their stories online than I ever dared to. It takes courage and dedication for them to open up and be able to write their experiences on paper.
This has been the hardest page for me to add to this site because just sitting down and thinking of what I should say has literally made me ill in the past and I've even been in therapy since the summer of 1995 and had this website for six years. But somehow I'm able to write this now with no discomforts at all. Maybe I shouldn't press my luck!
I’ve been told (since I’ve been diagnosed and in therapy) that I was so afraid of my mother that I would run and hide if she walked in the room that I was in. I knew that I was terrified of something but I had blocked out all of the abuse so well that I did not know that it was she that I was so afraid of.
You see, her father abused her and he was abused by his parents and left home when he was twelve so I don’t have any information about the rest of that side of my family but I’m sure the abuse was handed down from generation to generation. So this has been a vicious cycle within my family.
There is help available! I know this too well because not only was I a victim but I was also an abuser! Probably like you, I can say that I did not physically harm my child. There were no bruises and no broken bones. But the abuse that my child had sustained was emotional, causing him to become a very nervous child.
I had a mental break down at the age of thirty-nine and was on the verge of suicide because of the turmoil in my head, but by the grace of God I was allowed to create another alter personality in that very moment so that I could seek the medical attention that I needed. That very day was the beginning of my life, not to mention my child’s life as well! I've been in therapy and on strong anti-depressants ever since and the outrageous behavior that I honestly could not control then (and that my child witnessed) is totally under control now.
Remember you don't have to wait for that moment of despair to get the help that you need! Our mental health is as deserving of evaluation and treatment as is any other part of our bodies. If you don't want to seek help for your own self, then do it for your children.
A Legacy in Denial!
I lost my childhood on the day that I was born because of the stigma that was attached to mental disorders in the past. There was simply no help for the caregivers (of young babies and children) who were out of control, due to mental illness such as depression, schizophrenia, MPD/DID and other disorders of the mind. So therefore domestic violence and child abuse was the secret that has destroyed this nation.
Throughout history there was no hope for the families who were living in abusive environments. The children had to suffer silently as the parents raged through their dysfunctional mental states that have in turn produced a legacy that has been passed down through the ages from dysfunctional generation to dysfunctional generation. But it does not have to be that way anymore.
As adults, we need to be responsible for our actions. However mental illness (and disorders) do not allow us that control because of the turmoil within our minds. Until we begin to break down these walls of ignorance, and allow mental health to be an accepted, vital part of the body's health, then the majority of victims will remain hidden for life and this legacy will continue to erode our country.
Emotional and mental abuse hurts just as bad as physical abuse but the mental pain lingers forever. Our wounds will mend on the surface but the hidden scars go deep down inside and are much more painful in the long run. I believe that until the adults are made aware of the damage done to them and educated by society of the damage that they could possibly be causing to our next generation that this legacy will carry on.
I must say at this point that not all survivors of domestic violence and child abuse become violent and abuse their own children. But certainly not all violent adults were survivors of domestic violence or child abuse either. And furthermore I do not consider an abuser that has any form of mental illness or disorder to be totally innocent. Even though we may have been victimized in the past and may even have a mental disorder of some kind, we cannot hide behind the labels.
If we know that we are ill, then we must seek help, but if we do not know that we are ill then we need the guidance of society to educate us and guide us in the right direction.
We should be as informed of the causes and reality of domestic violence and child abuse as we are now of heart disease, cancer and HIV just to name a few. We need to help each other to regain the dignity and respect that has been denied us our entire lives. Then and only then will more abusers seek out the help that they need before more damage is done to the innocent children that reside in our homes and communities.